T.I.D.D. (Tone It Down..Doris)

Lately this has been the mantra of of John and I's relationship. I truly believe that I have naturally a happy person for the most part because I love to complain. Complaining is my way of getting all the "bad" stuff off my chest and usually the minute I finish complaining I feel great and I move on to the next thing I can complain about.

Lately, I think the heat added on with certain obstacles we are facing dealing with the bureaucracy of the Taiwanese government has gotten me complaining more than normal, to which, John's response has been..."TID...D"

But, dear readers, you be the judge of the following ridiculousness and tell me...would you not complain too if you were surrounded by such absurdity on a daily basis.

Blatant acts of thievery. Here is an Asian-wanna-be Steve Jobs fully in black turtleneck, jeans and ugly running shoes waving a pad (much like the iPad) but, instead, called the Action Pad. I mean do they know who they are dealing with? I am Apple's number one cheerleader. I get upset when someone says to me "I think the Android is better than the iPhone" I mean to lie so openly about the greatest product in the world is just blasphemy to my ears. So you can imagine my disgust and anger when I walked by an electronics store and saw this impostor in a Steve-Jobs trademarked black turtleneck.

ALLOTTED T.I.D.D TIME: 7 minutes

After finishing a not-so-delicious lunch of plain hot noodles on a 108 degree day I was walking back to my office and ran into this girl. Now, a little background on cross-streets in Taiwan is that when it is so hot outside most people tend to stay under the store awnings to not be in the sun. As I was standing there jammed next to what seemed like hundreds of people next to and behind me the one girl in front of me decided to pick her wedgie. Also, major cross streets in Taiwan also has an average of light times of 60-90 seconds. This particular cross street had a 60 second wait in which (I know, I know, I timed her) she started picking at about 48 seconds and continued down to 0. which means folks....she straight up dug all the way up in there for approximately 48 seconds of my life. She picked for so long I was able to find my phone in my HUGE purse. Type in my passcode to unlock my phone, open my Camera+ app, take 3 photos (best one shown here), and then upload it to FB. Now this may be a comment on how long she picked or it can be a comment on how fast I am on my iPhone...I'll let you decide. Either way, I wanted to throw up a little in my mouth.

ALLOTTED T.I.D.D. TIME:  5 minutes

Fourth of July. Since we moved to Taiwan in January John has been prepping me for how we would spend the Fourth of July....We would visit Taipei's ONLY Hooters and spend it eating buffalo chicken wings, drinking beers and watching some good old American baseball on TV. What I didn't expect was that upon arriving to Taipei's only Hooters we would also get a show. Apparently, in Taiwan the Hooters girls are trained in the art of hula hooping so instead of watching Sports, John and I spent the night with some friends watching a handful of not-so-endowed girls hula hoop their way around the restaurant.

ALLOTTED T.I.D.D. TIME: 10 minutes

Finally, my all time favorite for multiple, multiple reasons. The bathroom situation in Taiwan. The fact that these signs are listed almost everywhere is beyond my imagination. It is not uncommon for me to walk into any bathroom and see footprints on the toilet seat along with traces of splatter that obviously did not make it into the toilet bowl. It's super frustrating because my office doesn't provide toilet paper in the stalls so each company has to provide their own toilet paper to their employees and I usually grab a handful before I go to the bathroom and I still haven't learned to grab more than what is environmentally acceptable. then I get down there and realize that I have to use my meager amount of toilet paper to wipe the seat and then I'm left with only one option...walk back to the office for more toilet paper. I just wish people would sit on the seat and go like the seats were designed to do, and if they want to squat for whatever reason to then put the toilet seat up and squat on the inner bowl. Another thing about Taiwan bathrooms is the fact that everyone is AFRAID to throw dirty toilet paper into the toilet and instead throw toilet paper away in these little bins next to the toilet...you know what this means don't you? That means that in the dead of summer when 80% of public/private bathrooms are not air-conditioned and I work in a 12 Floor building with hundreds of offices that within a couple hours the bathrooms are filled with the smell of hot urine combined with poopy toilet paper. It's to the point that an article just came out pleading for citizens to start flushing their toilet paper rather than throwing them in garbage cans to help the city manage waste. SEE HERE. Those that know me well know that I have a very sensitive gag reflex and since moving here my gag reflex has gotten 100 times worse due to the fact that every time I have to use a public bathroom the heat and the smell combined makes me literally (not figuratively) throw up in my mouth. 

ALLOTTED T.I.D.D. TIME: 1 hour a day for the rest of our time here or until the Taiwanese government can get people to start flushing their toilet paper and start putting AC in bathrooms

But readers, as I said, I like to complain and let it all go...so let me leave you with a happy and pleasant thought. We recently had a good friend come and visit us in Taiwan on his way home from Shanghai to NY and we wanted to take him out to our favorite 快抄 restaurant. This place is always crowded and hard to get reservations but John managed to get us in. When we showed up the place was packed and they said the wait would be hours unless we were willing to sit outside. This was about four weeks ago before the heatwave hit and it was only about 89 degrees outside so we agreed. What we didn't realize was that they were going to set up a table next door to the restaurant inside a temple. And when I say inside the temple I mean you can literally see someone praying behind John. So, myself, the three boys and Liza sat and drank inside the temple while people prayed around us and had one of the better meals ever in Taipei. I doubt anywhere in the states would a restaurant get away with setting up shop in a church and letting people eat, drink and be merry for about 3 hours...no I don't think they would!